So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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