i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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