Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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