it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
