Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
