That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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