He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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