Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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