who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
