Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
