I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
