we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
