Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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