At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
