I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
