Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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