sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
