i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
