oh god the rape fog is back!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
