I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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