And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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