Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
