How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
