The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
