I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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