This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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