One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
