Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
