I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
