My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
