So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
