You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
