you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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