There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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