so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize