LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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