this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
