Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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