Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
