I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
