Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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