You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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