Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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