first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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