In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
