YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
