Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed

Fav 5 5915 878
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(727): View more from Florida

just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer

Fav 16 4119 1413
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(770): View more from Georgia

Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???

Fav 65 7751 1838
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(503): View more from Oregon

My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

Fav 18 5185 2378
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(917): View more from New York City

Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

I could have done it in 2

Fav 8 3588 935
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(250): View more from British Columbia

WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.

Fav 7 812 1653
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(760): View more from California

He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.

Fav 3 1073 539
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...

Fav 1 32 10
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(316): View more from Kansas

My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car

Fav 0 97 14
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