I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
