The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
