Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I party with great urgency now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize