Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
