let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
