Moan for me like Helen Keller
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
