So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
