i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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