So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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