I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
