why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
