bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
