You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
