We named our party play list daddy issues
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
