I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
