she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
