Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
