Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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