does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
