You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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