All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
