who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
