That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
