By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
