i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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