Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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