Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
