it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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