You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
