Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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